One Minute Rule

Today at work some lady asked me to switch her lid to a non-safety cap whilst I was in the middle of doing 3 other things. I smiled and took her bottles and started to do it. I knocked one of her bottles of pills on the ground and picked them up, stuck them back in the bottle and popped a lid on. When I went to had her back the bottle, she demanded new pills and was insulted that I would give them back to her. What I wanted to tell her was I drop pills on the ground all the time, usually into the garbage can too, but I sucked it up and got her some new ones instead. Next time you will get no favors from me, bitch.

Winter Olympic Update

Is everyone as pumped about the Winter Olympics as I am? If you just nodded your head, than you are more excited than I am. Not to take anything from the games or the athletes, I really do like when countries come together to compete. I like a lot of the new sports that have been added to spice things up such as snowboarding and pretty much anything where people are flying haphazardly through the air. I did have a moment last night when I was watching speed skating where I found myself hoping to see someone's limb get cut off though, and needless to say when it did not happen, I found my interest level drop considerably. I honestly don't want to see anyone get hurt, but when you think it is going to happen, and it does not, it is a huge let down. I also realized that one person has all ready died this Olympics, so I tip the hat covering my bald head to all the Olympic athletes competing, just don't tease me.

The New Love of My LIfe

After months of yearning and burning, long sleepless nights and secret internet research, I have finally made a decision that will alter my life for years to come, I bought a new vacuum cleaner. Not just any vacuum cleaner, a Dyson ball vacuum cleaner. It is everything I have ever dreamed of. I remember being a little kid, and sitting there wondering why vacuuming had to be such a chore, thinking there had to be a better way to clean, and now those dreams have finally come true. Seriously, this vacuum is amazing. I sucked up about 4 tanks full of crap out of my carpet, which I previously thought was relatively clean. The ball really does let you just turn corners with a flick of the wrist too, it is really easy to maneuver around. The only mental challenge I had with the purchase was spending an outrageous amount of money for a vacuum cleaner. Given the recent tragedy in Haiti, I found it hard to justify such an extravagant item, but then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks. What better way to help clean up Haiti, than with a super awesome vacuum cleaner. Moral conundrum solved, I can now sleep at night.

Racing Is For Suckers

While moving out the last remnants of my belongings from my parents house this week, I stumbled upon the only track ribbon I ever won in three years of high school. I tried to think of how many races I did over the period to get a percentage, because this is what I like to do while cleaning/drinking. I'd say I usually ran four races a meet. I would run the 800 meter, 1600 meter, 3200 meter, and the 3200 meter relay. Occasionally I would run the 400, but for argument's sake I'll leave that one out. There were roughly seven meets a year, 7 meets x 3 years, x 4 races = 84 races. So looking at it from that standpoint, I placed in about 1.2% of races I ever ran. Good, but not great. If memory serves me correctly, I finished 2nd out of three teams in the 3200 relay, so not only did I not do it all on my own, I'm pretty sure the top three finishers got ribbon, so I was destined to get one this race regardless. I have yet to finish last in any of the larger races I have ever ran in though, thank goodness for those walker people. Not not be surly about my racing career though, it was all just to stay in shape for soccer season. It is also the only the time I ever felt comfortable wearing such shor shorts. This racing edition of my blog has got me looking forward to racing season once the weather warms up, and this one I found called the warrior dash looks praticularly interesting. I will post the link at the end here, if anyone wants to do it or has any other interesting races to run this sumer let me know. http://www.warriordash.com/register2010_midwest.php

Long Time, No Blog

Sorry to all my faithful readers for the lapse in recent blogging, the holiday season ate up a lot of my time, and for those of you who did not hear, I also got engaged. I know, I was shocked too. Tensions have now eased dramatically on the home front, if only we could get the the Jewish and the Muslims engaged we would really have something going. It amazes me that they haven't brought me in for middle east negotiations yet. I received the Christmas presents of a 12 year old boy, and could not be happier about it. A new Nintendo DS, Super Mario Brothers Wii, Scattegories, and Taboo, were the real highlights. Just what I asked Santa for. The new year at work has brought all the fun I knew it would. The elderly and moronic have allready forgotten the definition of the word deductible, and the Medicaid patients haven't stopped bitching about their new $3.00 co-pay for hundreds of dollars of medications. Medicaid also seems to have gotten a little bit more stringent on Vicodin refills, which is what most Medicaid patients eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and afternoon snacks, so I look forward to all the fun the new year will bring. I hope everyone had a nice holiday and a happy new year. Hopefully news will now resume at a once a week flow.

Drive-Thru Society

I hate nothing more than the drive-thru at my store. A bunch of lazy ass people who should be getting more exercise can't walk twenty yards to get their diabetes/blood pressure medications. Evolution must be pissing its pants that it gave humans legs to move around with instead of just slapping two wheels onto our fat asses. The city where I work is filled with some prime examples of these sluggish people, but today I saw something that I could not believe. Something that shook my faith in humanity to the core. I am by no means a religious person, and I just enjoy all the commerical things that Christmas time provides, but even I was appalled when a recently errected sign outside of my pharmacy read these words "Drive-Thru Nativity Scene" with a big fat arrow pointing underneath it for all the big fat morons to follow. The redneck hilljacks in the area will love enjoying the holidays from their extended cab, confederate flag sporting pickup trucks. Nothing says I am lazy and have no self respect like blowing cigarette smoke in the three wise mens' faces while driving through a holy scene at five miles per hour. Happy holidays!

Just A Little Holiday Grooming

While everyone is out enjoying traditional holiday activities such as shopping, eating, visiting, and abusing controlled substances; it is important to not forget about your own personal hygiene. That is why today I took some time out of my busy holiday schedule for some grooming. Now while many of you who know me are aware that the hair on my head might be disappearing as fast as the days until Christmas, the rest of my body is a virtual jungle. I do try to keep the wilderness in check most of the time, but sometimes the greenery is so thick even Al Gore would be impressed. Yesterday, I decided to try and put a more permanent solution to the problem, and with the help of a very understanding girlfriend decided to wax my back. After a little trimming around the shoulders to trim down some of the larger vines growing out, it was time for the waxing to begin. I knew there was going to be a little pain involved, but i figured would at least do the trick and keep me clean for a while. Truth be told, there was a lot of pain involved for removal of a small amount of hair. After several passes on the same spot, I am pretty sure all of my skin was removed, a few hairs were still there, and the waxing process was prematurely stopped. The rest of the job was done as it should have been done in the first place, with an electric razor. Just to make sure that everyone has a clear image of what was going on I decided to visually document the occasion for all to see. Do not view while eating, preparing to eat, or having recently eaten.

Before Grooming

Before Grooming

After Painful Waxing

After A Clean Shave