Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Drive-Thru Society

I hate nothing more than the drive-thru at my store. A bunch of lazy ass people who should be getting more exercise can't walk twenty yards to get their diabetes/blood pressure medications. Evolution must be pissing its pants that it gave humans legs to move around with instead of just slapping two wheels onto our fat asses. The city where I work is filled with some prime examples of these sluggish people, but today I saw something that I could not believe. Something that shook my faith in humanity to the core. I am by no means a religious person, and I just enjoy all the commerical things that Christmas time provides, but even I was appalled when a recently errected sign outside of my pharmacy read these words "Drive-Thru Nativity Scene" with a big fat arrow pointing underneath it for all the big fat morons to follow. The redneck hilljacks in the area will love enjoying the holidays from their extended cab, confederate flag sporting pickup trucks. Nothing says I am lazy and have no self respect like blowing cigarette smoke in the three wise mens' faces while driving through a holy scene at five miles per hour. Happy holidays!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Just A Little Holiday Grooming

While everyone is out enjoying traditional holiday activities such as shopping, eating, visiting, and abusing controlled substances; it is important to not forget about your own personal hygiene. That is why today I took some time out of my busy holiday schedule for some grooming. Now while many of you who know me are aware that the hair on my head might be disappearing as fast as the days until Christmas, the rest of my body is a virtual jungle. I do try to keep the wilderness in check most of the time, but sometimes the greenery is so thick even Al Gore would be impressed. Yesterday, I decided to try and put a more permanent solution to the problem, and with the help of a very understanding girlfriend decided to wax my back. After a little trimming around the shoulders to trim down some of the larger vines growing out, it was time for the waxing to begin. I knew there was going to be a little pain involved, but i figured would at least do the trick and keep me clean for a while. Truth be told, there was a lot of pain involved for removal of a small amount of hair. After several passes on the same spot, I am pretty sure all of my skin was removed, a few hairs were still there, and the waxing process was prematurely stopped. The rest of the job was done as it should have been done in the first place, with an electric razor. Just to make sure that everyone has a clear image of what was going on I decided to visually document the occasion for all to see. Do not view while eating, preparing to eat, or having recently eaten.

Before Grooming

Before Grooming

After Painful Waxing

After A Clean Shave