Sunday, October 14, 2012

Nail Hygiene

I don't want to stereotype people, but I'm going to.  Black people have crazy-ass fingernails.  I have seen women with 4-inch finger nails all bedazzled up and I have seen them yellow and cracking.  Either way I don't want to touch them as you hand me your money.  They look like they are going to snap off at anytime, and are probably festering with rabies or some zombie creating virus.  The only thing more disgusting than some of the nails I encounter on the women, are the ones on the men.  I am pretty sure clippers have not made their way into African-American culture yet.  Men just let their nails grow out until they look like Lo-Pan from Big Trouble in Little China.  In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, "If your fingernails are 3 inches long and covered in grime, then you might be a black man."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Little Homie??

Last night at work a guy came in to ask about getting some cough medicine for his two year old son.  I showed him what to use, and proceeded to tell him that the label says to see a doctor in children under four, but if he cuts the dose in half everything will be okay.  I also told him that if the cold doesn't go away in a couple of days, then he will have to take the kid to the doctor.  The guy gave me a glazed look and said okay.  This guy smelled like marijuana so bad my eyes were watering, but that's just a typical day at the office for me, so I let it slide.  After 5 minutes raiding the chip isle, the guy came back to the pharmacy and said, "Yo man, this says not to use in kids under four!"  I then told him that I already told him that, and to cut the dose in half.  His response was, "Man, I ain't using this in my little homie."  He then bought his Funions and left.  It would not surprise me at all to learn that the child's name was in fact "Little Homie."

Friday, July 20, 2012

Tasty Names

I've had some interesting names the last few nights.  I work near Gary, IN, so needless to say the nearby population has a long history of making up bizarre names.  When random foods start becoming commonplace names, that's when I start to get excited.  I'll save my favorite for last.  The first name I came across was Vanilla.  Kind of a boring first a name.  (Get it!! I am making fun of it because vanilla is synonymous with boring.)  It gives me pause to think that a black person would be named Vanilla.  On one hand, vanilla ice cream is white, but on the other, the vanilla you bake with is a brown color.  I think Vanilla Ice really sealed the deal by making me think white, though.  Okay, here is my favorite one of the last few nights....Lasagna.  Even if you were a Jersey Shore Italian Guido, I think you would be the black sheep of the group being named Lasagna, and I am pretty sure this individual was not Italian.  What really kills me is I have no doubt that it is probably pronounced nothing like the delicious pasta dish.  If I had to guess I would say it is pronounced laz-ag-na.  I almost question whether or not the parents knew they were naming the kid an Italian dish at the time.  What I see most of the time just seems to be a bunch of random syllables crammed together to form some type of word, and BOOM, that's the name.  I really love it when to spice it up, they start throwing punctuation into the mix as well.  Lots of unnecessary hyphens and apostrophes have become the style as of late.  I'll keep my eyes pealed for more delicious names and keep everyone apprised.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Taco Bread

It was a typical night at work.  Just kicking ass and filling scripts, when an interesting question came up to the consultation window, "Yo, do you you guys have any taco bread?"  I assume I misheard the question for two reasons.  Number one, what is taco bread?  Number two, it surely is not a medical question worthy of coming to the pharmacy area.  I ask the gentleman to repeat the question and his response is, "Taco bread, where is it?  I found the taco seasoning, but where be the taco bread?"  He responds while holding up a pack of taco seasoning.  Obviously I was hearing the taco part right.  My first thought is possibly taco flavored Doritos, since those are delicious, so I ask him if that's what he means.  "No!!  You know, taco bread! To put the tacos on!"  I at this point have figured out what he wants, but my brain is unwilling to accept that he is referring to tortillas shells as taco bread.  I say, "do you mean tortilla shells?"  And of course is response is, "yeah,  taco bread!"  I point him up to the grocery isle and that is the end of the interaction.  Not sure if we sell tortilla shells or not.  I then brought the encounter up with my techs the next night to get their take on it.  One tech thought it was hilarious.  The other tech did not see why it was funny, she also refers to tortilla shells as taco bread.  After a quick survey of my techs, it has been determined that roughly 50% of the African-american community refers to tortilla shells as taco bread.  I still cannot wrap my head around this one.

Friday, May 25, 2012

House Hunters

After about a month long search, we are in the process of purchasing our first home.  Very exciting...blah..blah..blah.  But what I have learned the most from the whole process is that I strongly dislike the show House Hunters International.  I found myself watching a lot of HGTV and DIY during the whole house search.  Shows like Property Virgins and House Hunters were good to get an idea about what I was looking for, how much things cost, and the overall process of buying a home.  I also got caught up in Bathroom, Kitchen, Room, and Yard Crashers, just to get an idea of good projects.  There was, however, one show that pissed me off: House Hunters International.  The show can be broken down to two possible premises:

1.  Rich-ass people in the United States buying an extravagant vacation house overseas
2.  People overseas moving to another non-American location

I don't give a shit about rich assholes who have so much money to piss away that they have decided to buy a house that they will live in maybe one month a year.  A lot of these people buy houses in South America because it's a little cheaper.  Just where I want to move, a land where the chief economic intake comes from drug lords and hiding Nazi criminals.

The other possible plot of the show usually take place when a dirty European person has decided to move from on former Communist dirt hole to another.  What do I care about the Eastern European real estate market.  I don't even know the exchange rate, these prices mean nothing to me!  The houses make no sense either.  No closets, laundry in the kitchen/bathrooms, and some bizarre electrical system; just what I want to watch on television.  The dirty real estate agents are near impossible to understand, and seem to care less whether their clients are happy or not.

I would rather watch a Rumba floor cleaner bounce around the room than watch House Hunters International.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Book Bandwagon

I have recently found myself jumping on the bandwagon of popular book series.  I have yet to stoop to reading the Twilight books, and it is unlikely that I will.  I cranked through the Hunger Games books in about 2 weeks, which seems to be slow after talking to several other people.  Was anyone aware of that trilogy before the movies were going to be made?  I heard nothing about them before that.  There was no big hype or anything from book to book.  I never saw or heard anyone excited to hear how the trilogy was going to end.  Everyone seemed to have read all three book in one sitting without any delay.  I also just finished the first book of the Game of Thrones series.  After reading the Hunger Games books, these are much longer and has about 300 characters with names even crazier than the Hunger Games.  The first one was a good read though, and I have already moved on to the second book.  I am on the fence on whether I want to watch season one of Game of Thrones on HBO though.  I am pretty sure season one only covers the first book, so I would not be spoiling anything, but I sometimes don't like to change my view of characters to coincide with the movies.  Case in point would be the Hunger Games.  For those of you who have read them, I did not picture Haymitch to look anything like Woody Harrelson.  I pictured him more to look like  Hagrid from the Harry Potter movies.  I was much happier with my own delusions on that one, hence my apprehension about watching the show.  May the odds be ever in your favor, and winter is coming.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Brackets Busted

I was waiting to post how amazing my brackets were until after I won the pools I was in, but after last night there is no point in waiting.  My brackets were decimated.  Two of my Final Four teams, Michigan St and Wisconsin bit the dust.  I was tied for 2nd place in two pools until last night.  Now tied for 22nd, not the direction I was hoping to go.  All that is left to do now is hope Indiana can bust some more brackets for and keep the tournament interesting for me.  Oh well there is always next year.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Working Overnight

I just finished by first full week of working overnights at CVS, and I must say it is the greatest thing ever.  I realize that the store I am working at just became a 24 hour store, so the inhabitant of Gary/Merrillville are still figuring out that I am an easy target to murder/rob, but in the mean time I am loving every minute of it.  I usually finish all work by about 3am.  My shift last from 9pm to 8am.  Here is a run down of how the night usually progresses.
  • 9pm:  Arrive at the store and think to myself, 'What the fuck did they do all day?'
  • 11pm:  Just about finish filling everything and say goodnight to by evening technician
  • 11pm-12am:  Read my Kindle
  • 12am:  Readyfill aka "Dreadyfill" (Compliments of Sampstar) drop in.  Roughly 100 prescriptions
  • 2am:  Finishing filling and checking all prescriptions
  • 3am:  Finish all Kindle and watch movies on my laptop
  • 7am:  People start waking up and keep me moderately busy until I leave at 8am
  • 8am:  Drive home without falling asleep
The 3am-7am movie watching and Kindle reading really make this experience complete.  I usually have 3 customers a night after midnight and about as many phone calls.  I have gone from wanting to kill everyone I encounter to almost reading the whole Hunger Games trilogy and watching all the Harry Potter movies in one week.  Pretty sweet deal.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Holiday Detox Week Seven/Eight

I have started a new work schedule where I work seven days in a row and then have seven days off, which has changed by drinking habits.  I am working midnights, so on my work week, I cannot drink unless I want to do it at 8 in the morning.  This more or less results in one guaranteed week of sobriety and one week in a drunken stupor.  Which is much better than two consecutive weeks of being in a drunken haze.  So, all and all, this is a good thing.  The only bad part is, it is hard to work out during my on week.  Working 80 hours in seven days does not leave a lot of energy or desire to head to the gym.  Hopefully it will get easier as I get more used to the schedule.  If anyone tries to call me on a Wednesday night, you will get no response for two possible reasons.  Number one, I just started by first night and will be MIA for the next seven nights.  Number two, I got drunk immediately after getting of work at 8am Wednesday morning and will be passed out for the the next twenty hours trying to get back on a normal sleep schedule.  So far, I would rate the detox a success overall, I have exercised more often and confined my drinking to an average of one huge binge a week.  I don't know at what point the detox stops being a holiday detox and just recovery of a crazy person though.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Holiday Detox Week Six

So far, so good.  I am going on a brewery tour throughout Chicago today though, so my good streak will come to a screeching halt.  I am starting to work midnights this coming week, which entails a seven day on seven day off work routine.  I get the feeling that every other week will be detox and the other a drunken stupor.  I am going to be working nights in Merrillville/Gary.  Should be an interesting overnight crowd.  I am currently looking into having a Kevlar white pharmacist coat made to protect me.  More to follow on the new gig.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Holiday Detox Week Five

Currently on my fifth beer, so you can take from that what you will.  I did work out everyday this week, so that's a plus.  I also ran 8 miles this morning, and have only drank 1 vitamin water accompanied by 5 beers all day, so you can take from that what you will.  On an unrelated note, I just watched the movie Real Steal.  It was actually pretty good.  I think I will have a permanent man crush on Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, I will just have amnesia to the last 2 X-Men movies.  I consider working out six days a week, getting mildly buzzed 4 days a week, and getting shit faced 1 day a week as totally normal.  That leaves 2 days of detox, what more can one ask for.  Back to the movie though, pretty inspiring stuff.  Makes me want to start making robots to kick the shit out of my pharmacy customers.  I can't wait for the future.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Holiday Detox Week Four

Week four?  What happened to week three?  Week three was spent off the wagon for the most part.  Not really drunk every night, but a little buzzed most of the time.  As usual I blame work.  Trying to get back into good habits, but a work schedule that changes from day to day via text message is waning on my sanity.  Unfortunately not a whole lot else going on.  I will be more entertaining soon.  Or as entertaining as I can be.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Holiday Detox Week Two

Detox was going great until this weekend.  I fell off the wagon Saturday night.  Four beers and three long islands later, I was not feeling so hot.  The next two days I was back on track, then somehow managed to drink a bottle of wine last night with dinner.  At least I have kept running and working out pretty regularly, so I may have cancelled out my backslides somewhat.  Detox on!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Holiday Detox Week One

After spending the last 2 weeks in a diabetic/alcohol induced coma, my post-holiday detoxification has begun.  After one week, I have been alcohol free and pretty much lived on Lean Cuisines.  So far so good.  Not a great week to stop drinking.  The first few weeks of the new year are notoriously rough in retail pharmacy due to the moron customers not realizing their insurance has changed, and that deductibles were not just something you do once in a lifetime.  An insane amount of transfers from Wags has also been brutal on my sanity.  The only thing good about sticking to the detox this week was that if I didn't have it in my mind that I was going to be doing it, I probably would have been doing shots at work out of prescription bottles.  I did land myself a sweet gig for roughly the next 2 weeks going to stores after they close and entering all the extra prescriptions.  Retail pharmacy actually isn't too bad once you remove dealing with people from the equation.  Also adding to the positive mental attitude of the detox, I was able to play golf today.  Not often that occurs in January, and on top of that we got to play for free.  Due to the lack of alcohol to keep me entertained over the next few weeks, I will try and blog a little more often.  Good for my brain, not so good for you.